An Obvious Explanation

David stopped by the mailbox and opened it. He started pulling out the mail and saw a strange item.

He called out to me pointing to this “thing” asking “Should I open this!?” We both stood there staring at this… bottle, not sure what to do about it. It was our address but someone else’s name.

“WHAT is THAT?” he wondered

“I don’t know”, I nervously replied.

“Should I open it?”

“I DON”T KNOW!!!”

We stood there thinking about it for a few seconds. He finally picked it back up so we could get a better look.

He sat it back down again and we stepped  back to a safe distance.

“There is sand in here!” he exclaimed

“And shells!” I yelled.

“What is that thing rolled up inside??”

“I don’t KNOW!”

“That is OUR address but the name is Kavik.”

“It’s from Ohio and this is SO creepy”, I said. “We do not know ANYONE in Ohio!!”

“It has two stamps on it but they are only ONE CENT STAMPS! AND THEY HAVE NOT BEEN POST MARKED!!! It’s a bomb. I’m sure of it!” I nodded.

“But who would send us a bomb?”

I DON’T KNOW!!

“Who have you pissed off?”

“I DON”T KNOW, DAVID!!!!!!”

“Well I’m going to just sit it down out here for right now. I’m not opening it yet.”

“Me either!”

We left it outside overnight. The next day I decided I needed to figure it out and call the cops if necessary but I wanted to be sure before calling them.

Because I remembered that one time two years ago when I called the cops on a man who kept ringing my doorbell. I was sure he was there to kidnap me but he ended up just being a neighbor who lived down the street.

I didn’t want to jump to conclusions again so I planned to think it out really well this time.

The 1 cent stamps NOT postmarked.

The return address from someone we did not know!

The weird name it was addressed to!!

The sand!!!

The rolled up paper inside!!!!

It was obviously not mailed and just placed inside the mailbox and made to look like it was mailed!!!!!

Yes. I need to call the cops. It is a bomb.

And I consented it was a bomb from the vacuum cleaner salesman who was at our house two days earlier for THREE hours – but David still turned down the sale. Even after the guy had shampooed the whole living room area rug. This salesman has gone postal and is getting us back for not buying his vacuum cleaner! I was sure of it.

Something bad was in that bottle! Very very bad. Anthrax? Some other type of poison? A pipe bomb that would explode as soon as we started unrolling the paper roll??!

I was getting up the nerve to call the cops and ask their opinion when my oldest son came in the kitchen for a few minutes before he headed off to work. I explained all the drama to him and my reasoning on why I thought it was a bomb.

And I said, “It is addressed to Kavik!  KAVIK!”

“That’s me” he said. “Kavik is a user name of mine. And those are not 1 cent stamps, they are $1.00 stamps. I know these people in Ohio and this is an invitation.”

“Oh…OK…here ya go.”

“Thanks”.

“You’re welcome.”

And that was that…