Bittersweet text with my 25 year old daughter

My daughter and I have very funny text conversations. We don’t mean to. It just happens. I have been known to gossip to the Internet about her Facebook statuses. You can read these here, here, here, and here. She hasn’t given me anything stalk worthy lately, so I have to resort to my old standby.

WhatsApp

(It’s a free texting App if you aren’t familiar with it.) Since she is now married and living in Spain, this App is perfect because we can chat as often as we want without using minutes or paying any fees.

This week we had one of our classic conversations. It went like this (after she uploaded a photo of her living room)

Me: “What is it?”

Audrey: Basket thing on the wall. Living room is less 80’s now. We r only 5 hours apart now.Gave all this gmo stuff to some American students. (uploaded photo)

(okay let me stop this blog post and explain something about the gmo stuff. Audrey is a big advocate of avoiding gmo’s in our food and tries to education others about how bad it is for you. I find it hilarious that instead of throwing the poison away she gave it to college kids. Where’s the logic in that? Anyway, moving on)

“Where are you?? Love the basket but it needs to be lower on the wall.”

Audrey: You think?? I think not bc u cant see it in this pic but the ceilings are really high. 2 yr anniversary today!

“It needs to be part of the chair visual. Not floating away. Happy anniv. Love u both. Now come on back here to live.”

Audrey: Grrrrr it IS part of the chair visual!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Audrey: What’s my SS#???

Audrey: NVM got it.

“I think it isn’t part of the chair visual.”

Audrey: Mom…important…do I need to fill out all forms to file taxes? Or only a 1040

Audrey: I don’t want to be audited.

“By all forms what do mean?”

Audrey: Well I’ve never filed so I don’t know what forms I mean really.

Audrey: In April I will no longer have internet at home…just so u know.

 “Why?”

Audrey:  We shared it w neighbors and they r moving.

Audrey: It IISSS part of the chair visual

“Still floating”

Audrey:  No. Its. Not.

Audrey:  I hate white walls. Hard to make them look good.

“Lowering the basket will help.”

Audrey:  Forget the basket!!! I’m sorry I even shared my craft with you.

See? funny conversations. What you all don’t know is that even though I find most of our conversations funny, I feel a knot in my chest. You see…when your daughter marries and moves into her own home, starts picking out things to fix it up and make it pretty, starts experimenting with her own style in order to create her very own first home – I have to stare at digital photos she passes along to me.

And stare I do. I let my eyes slowly wander from all four corners taking in every vase, every picture on the wall…I imagine her carefully arranging her special things on her shelves. I imagine her organizing her kitchen cabinets. I look for details in the photos I see.

“Is that potpourri in that bowl?”

“Wow I love the blanket throw on the couch…it looks so soft.”

“It looks like she has decorated her book case really pretty.”

What I long for, is to see it with my own eyes. I long for the experience of being able to share this experience with her. I haven’t been able to go homemaking shopping with her and then helping her set things up. I haven’t been able to sit at her kitchen table over a cup of coffee and chat about nothing…and everything. I can’t call her and ask if she wants to run to the mall this afternoon.

So yes, our conversations via text are funny on the outside and then funny-slash-heart wrenching on the inside.

I hope one day she will be able to live close again. Until then, I will savor our texts, and e-mailed photos. If it’s all I can have, at least I have that.