So I am sitting here on Sunday night thinking a bit over the events of the last several weeks. Sometimes I feel as if we have taken on too much responsibility with too little time to handle it. When I pour myself into one thing, something else suffers. Then when I try to catch up on the second thing, the first thing ends up being due again. Laundry never stays clean. And food never remains in the fridge. There are kids to bathe and take care of, a house to constantly de-clutter, errands…endless errands, and a to-do list that never changes in length because once 3 things are marked off, three more things are added to the bottom.
Then something happens that matters. Something happens that makes you realize all the above really isn’t what life is meant to be about.
“Hi Deb, everything is OK” I heard my dad first say when I answered my phone. But when you hear someone lead their conversation with that as a way to soften the blow it doesn’t really soften the blow and you hold your breath waiting to hear whatever it is that will be coming next.
“Mom is having heart issues and she was taken to the hospital. They are giving her medicine to slow her heart rate down to a normal rhythm” he tells me. So I hear my dad explain this to me and I can’t help but feel scared and I can’t help but realize life is fragile. I hear myself talking to him but I don’t know where the words are coming from because I am not forming them in my mind. It’s as if my brain has taken over and is speaking for me because I am unable to. And I have to remind myself to breathe after noticing I am still holding my breath.
She was released with medicine to take to keep her heart rate slow, and she is currently doing okay and will soon have surgery to fix the damaged area of her heart. I told her she is too mean to die so she shouldn’t worry about that happening.
And then we both laughed.
On the outside.