The Colonoscopy Diaries – part 3, final chapter

This is the final chapter of my colonoscopy story. I saw you just roll your eyes. Stop it.

I wanted to talk about my husband. We are right in the middle of redecorating our bedroom. And by redecorating, I mean REDECORATING. New carpet, new bedroom furniture, new paint, new everything. If this ever happens to you…you know…when you are drinking your prep the day before your procedure and your husband asks questions resembling the following. Your answer should always be NO.

“I’m not sure what you have planned for tonight, but I thought we could get started on painting the bedroom,” he said.

“I’m going to go ahead and take down the bed, and carry that and the furniture out of the room. I will need your help,” he said.

“Do you want to go look at carpet and then go get some dinner?” he said.

I nodded yes and said it was a possibility because this was all a new experience for me and I had no idea what things would be like later that evening.  Now, as a seasoned veteran of Colon-land, I would like to advise that you can’t drink prep and then move heavy furniture.  I am looking forward to when David has his first colonoscopy because I’m going to ask him to go take an aerobics class with me.

So, he drove me to my appointment, and I left him in the waiting room while they called me back. The rest was easy peasy. People told me the prep is the worst part and that is absolutely true. I dressed in the gown, got my IV started, and relaxed under a warm blanket until they came to wheel me to the exam room.

I watched as the doctor pushed the meds into my IV tube and felt very heavy for a few seconds. He started asking questions about my kids, as they usually do. They want you to talk for some reason. I guess to tell when you are “officially out”.

Sort of like…

“Yes, my kids are all in sch…zzzzzzzz”

“No, we haven’t been on vacation yet this ye…..zzzzzzz”

Or in my case, “I have triplets, and two older ki……zzzzzzzz.”

I didn’t get a chance to tell them about my youngest because the next thing I knew they were calling my name, telling me they were finished.

Coming out of the sleep was easy. After 5 minutes I felt fine and asked to get up and change back into my clothes. David and I even stopped for lunch on the way home and then stopped to pick out our new mattress. I probably over-did it a bit though because when we returned home I felt like I weighed 1000 pounds. The kids were still at my mother’s house so I stretched out on the couch and took a delicious long nap.

Also, milkshakes feel great because your throat will be very dry and you may have trouble swallowing regular food. The buttered biscuit I had on my plate at lunch stayed on my plate because it was very difficult to swallow, even with water. I love warm biscuits with butter, even more than dessert,  and it was emotionally hard to walk away and leave it behind. It will take me awhile to get over that.

The final result of my colonoscopy? I had a great report. No issues at all and I will not have to have another one for 10 years.

So, my final report? Aside from the prep, it was a piece of cake.

Getting a colonoscopy is not fun, but SO important. It is a common cancer in older people that is preventable just by catching the early signs and stopping it before it turns into anything. So when you turn 50, move this to the top of your to-do list.